HER
by Sui Megami
Summary: Heartbreaking Emotional Rapture This is a one shot ficcie! This is the journal entry of Heero Yuy on his feelings for a certain someone! NOT YAOI!


Hi all! Kitty-chan here! This is my first Gundam Wing fic, so... don't flame me!! T-T but uh... Anyway. This ocurrs during the series, shortly after the St. Gabriel Institue incident. uhh... enjoy!!

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_She was there when I opened my eyes.Though I could only see part of her face, her beautiful eyes held a look of concern.I didn't know the look, and mistook it for pity, which I scorned. _

_ I remember closing my eyes and groaning at the pain running to my head as she slowly removed my helmet. That moment seemed to last a lifetime as she realized that I was still very young. After the moment, I shot my eyes open and stood up, covering my face. She told me not to move and that help was on the way. I asked her if she had seen me earlier, and her look was one of confusion. _

_ I stole the ambulence that had come, and drove away. I had to get away from her.Her gorgious blue eyes held a look I had never seen before, and her long golden hair made her look like an angel.I can't describe her any other way. I was afraid of her. It shames me to know so. Me, a hardened, military-trained, soldier/assasin,afraid of a regular school girl... _

_ ...I remember her handing me an invitation to her birthday party. I had no time for rediculous parties! Foolish girl. I held it in front of her face and preceded to rip it in half. The crowd of students around us gave a quiet gasp as small tears formed in her beautiful blue eyes. In a weak voice, she asked 'Why?' Even I couldn't stand to see her tear up like that, so I gently wiped away her tears with my finger. Then, as I passed her, I quietly told her my vow. I vowed to destroy her... _

_ ...I tried to fulfill my vow, I really did. But every time I had the chance, I just couldn't do it. I pulled a gun. Someone shot me. I pulled another gun. I didn't put a clip in. Every time I try to get rid of her, something intervenes. Somehow, it gets prevented. _

_ Even at that dance. I couldn't do it. I came this close, and had the right opportunities, but I didn't. _

_ I remember erasing my info files at the Saint Gabriel Institute, and then watching the young men and women running around at the party downstairs. I packed up my stuff, and suddenly she came in. _

_ She taunted me with her knowledge, asking about my missions and fighting. I immediately pulled the gun hidden in my belt, and aimed at her. Then she said something that I had not expected at all. _

_ She had met the doctor. The doctor who made me what I am. That gives me all my missions. Who knows something about me that even I don't remember. My past. Did she now know? She advanced toward me. I put the barrel of the gun to her neck, and still she showed no fear whatsoever. She spoke of the commotion that it would cause if I killed her right there. She also spoke of the party and the dance, and in her own way, asked me to stay. Then curtsied right in front of the weapon! She was showing part of the blodness of someone like me! _

_ She dragged me out onto the floor, and took my hand. I slowly put my hand on her side as she put hers on my forearm. She immediately began leading me into step with the music until I slowly took over. _

_ She began to quietly ask weather or not I was still going to destroy her. I answered a sad 'Yes'. I hadn't ment it to come out that way. After all, I kill hundreds of soldiers everyday. Why can't I destroy this one girl? What is wrong with me? Why do I feel so strange whenever I am around her? I feel sad thinking that I have to destroy this angel. But why? Why do I feel this way? I've never felt this before! It's a whole new experience for me, and I'm not liking it one bit! It's frustrating me to no end! _

_ She, again, spoke to me. Somehow, her soft voice calmed my thoughts. She said that she understood how I feel when I am on my missions. That she is on my side. _

_ I was about to ask how when the sound of a military chopper reaches my ears. Finally! I had a reason to get away from her! I ran outside and prepared myself, and my weapon for a fight. Near the end, I ended up facing her again. Why is it that in everything I do, I end up face to face with her? Even to this day she tortures me with her kindness and compassion! Popping up wherever my missions take me! _

_ I was thrown forward as a bullet made hard impact with my back. I looked up to see part of the building right above her was collapsing from another bullet. I don't remember much after that, but when I opened my eyes, my shield was covering her. What? I...I...I saved her? But...but...why? Why did I save her? I asked myself these questions over and over again. I'd be better off if she were dead, wouldn't I? Then why did I save her? Why?! _

_ She called out my name. Realizing that I was the one in the huge machine. So many feelings. Feelings I had long forgotten, and are mostly still hidden in my mind. Dismissed as foolishness. Friendship? Compassion? Kindness? ...And...love? Things I bearly remembered were rushing forward. I didn't understand them, and I still don't. Frustrated with myself and her, I turned and immediately annihilated an attacking enemy that had been repeatedly shooting me from behind. _

_ I heard her shouting again. Calling my name. Asking why I had saved her when I vowed to destroy her. I don't know. Even to this day I don't know why I protected her. I began walking over to the small angel in front of the crumbling building. _

_ I told myself, 'Alright, enough games. I am a soldier. The ultimate weapon. A professional assasin. I can, will, and must dispose of...this...this...this...angel. _

_ I drew back my shield to deliver her death blow. When I thrust it forward, I felt a slight pang in my head, and when I opened my eyes, she stood there, staring at me with those piercing blue orbs. My sheild had missed her by about two feet, but she hadn't flinched a bit. _

_ Why I couldn't finish her that day is a question I will never be able to answer. Why I still can't finish her is killing me inside. I'm so frustrated! I haven't given up on destroying her, but I just haven't been able to bring myself to do it. _

_ Duo says that there is one emotion that is evident in her. An emotion that I never thought I'd see. It's love. The only problem is, I don't know what that means anymore. _

_ It's so hard to accept! Me, a trained hardened soldier afraid of something just because I don't understand it! _

_ But I will fulfill my vow and my mission, Relena Peacecraft. That I promise._

Heero closed the book and gave a heavy sigh. He dropped it onto the bed and put his face in his hands. He lay back down on the bed, allowing his feet to dangle off the side, and spread his arms. This frustration was almost too much for Heero to bear.

The perfect weapon's thoughts were interrupted by a buzzing noise coming from the laptop computer on his desk. He got up and sat down on the chair at the desk and read the incoming message.

He quietly read it aloud to himself as the words appeared on the screen. "OZ base in southern Australia is creating new Leo mobile suits." After he finished reading, he read his response aloud as he typed it into the computer. "Roger that mission."

A soft knock came at the door. "Come in." Heero said, closing the laptop.

A tall slender boy with long hair pulled back into a braid entered the room. He wore a black jacket and black pants, with a black cap. Heero turned to face the fellow Gundam pilot. "What is it Duo?" he asked the boy.

"I got word that an OZ base in Australia needs blowin' up. Just wanted to let you know that I'm leaving." He answered. Heero stood and grabbed a jean jacket that matched his long pants. "I'm coming with you. I recieved the same mission. Looks like the Doctors want us to work together on this one." He explained putting the jacket on over his green tank top.

Duo shrugged as Heero passed him and began to make his way down the hall. He was about to follow Heero, when something on the bed caught his eye. It was a book. He picked it up and, opening it, realized that it was written.

_Heero Yuy has a journal?_ Duo thought, surprised. He silently began reading the few sentences at the top of the page.

_So many feelings. Feelings I have long forgotten. Dismissed as foolishness. Friendship? Compassion? Kindness? And... love? Things I bearly remembered were rushing forward._

Duo slowly sat down on the bed and continued to read.

_I didn't understand them, and still to this day, I don't_.

Duo skipped down to nearly the bottom of the page and read some more. A few certain sentences caught his eye.

_One I never thought I'd ever see. It's love. At least that's what Duo says._

Duo smirked and read on.

_The problem is, I don't know what that means anymore._

_It's so hard to accept! Me, a trained hardened soldier so afraid of something simply because I don't understand it! _

_ But, I will carry out my vow and my mission, Relena Peacecraft. That I promise._

_Strange. This doesn't sound like Heero._ Duo's thoughts were interrupted by footsteps coming down the hall. He quickly slammed the book shut, and dropped it on the bed.

He stood and walked over to the doorway. Heero was coming down the hall. He stopped when he saw Duo.

"You coming?" He called from about three yards away.

Duo nodded and followed, closing the door to Heero's room as he left.


End file.
